Evil Critic - Kevin Federline

Kevin Federline. K-Fed. Daddy. Fed-Ex.

O rapaz cujo nome passámos a conhecer quando se casou com a (ex) mega estrela da pop, Britney Spears. Ao contrário do outro coitado com quem ela se casou em Las Vegas e se divorciou no dia seguinte, o nosso amigo K-Fed (desculpem, mas adoro o nickname... mais pela originalidade...) durou mais alguns dias, os suficientes para lançar um álbum em nome próprio, intitulado Playing With Fire.

Desde então, como é natural, tornou-se no maior alvo de gozo e chacota a seguir ao Tom Cruise. Seja por se aproveitar do sucesso da mulher para fazer carreira, seja por ganhar a vida como dançarino profissional e perder um concurso de dança para um Dj da rádio de Dallas (ver aqui) no jogo Dance Dance Revolution. O homem que recebeu uma mensagem de texto no telemóvel avisando-o do divórcio, e que luta lado a lado com personagens como John Cena e King Booker nos ringues da WWE. Há muito por onde pegar, se queremos fazer troça de Federline, lá isso é verdade. Mas concentremo-nos na música apenas. Vejamos as críticas ao seu álbum de estreia, que junta num só disco singles como Lose Control e Popozão...


Reviews a PLaying With Fire



"The Virdict: American Culture Had tanked for about 15 years now. And yes, I am American. This isn't even funny. We're gonna be the laughing stock of the world when we're not the superpower."


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"ewwww"

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"1/2. One of the worst releases this year. One question Britney: Who the FUCK did you marry?"

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"Yesterday I was wearing a striped polo shirt and someone said I looked like K-Fed. I may attempt to look like him but I will never create such a masterpiece of musical masculinity as shown on Playing with Fire."

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" He should stick to what he does best..... ooops this is what he does best."

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" you mean i can't give a score below zero??"

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"This is by far the worst thing I've experienced in my life. To call this music is a crime against the universe. This is an abomination to the ears and torture to the soul. Give me fingers on a chalk board, Armageddon, Vanilla Ice, anything but this affront to the senses. I've never wanted to go deaf before hearing this, now I wish I had been born that way."

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" It sucks!!! Pure garbage! Sounds like a baby being hit with a cat!!!"

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"WHAT A BUM. This record isn't just the worst record of all time, it's made by the worst singer and rapper of all time. Don't get me wrong, I already think rap is the dumbest style of music, it's just that Federline makes it so much worse. He should do a reverse-Jackson and dye himself black because he ain't going nowhere white. The ABSOLUTE WORST cd ever put"

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""Playing With Fire" is truly horrible. However, it's name is not truly apt. Fire implies creation, creation implies intelligence, and K Fed, the man who signed a pre-nuptial agreement, is obviously not intelligent. Fire also implies impact. If you took the combined IQ of everyone who liked this album and thought "DAMN! This guy has fly-ass beats!," you would not have the intelligence to light a match (let alone play with it). In fact, they should be rewarded for the mere fact that they were capable of pushing the "play" button. No, nevermind. They should be charged with noise pollution, distubing the peace, terrorism, truency, jaywalking, and whatever else we can charge them with to lock them up for good. I give it 0 out of 10. Deal with it."

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" Notttttttttttt!"

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" a disaster...music like this should be illegal"

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" Congratualtions Limp Bizkit you no longer have the worst album of this decade."


Bem, a julgar pela crítica acima, diria que atingimos um novo fundo no que toca a lixo musical. Contudo, a minha escolha da semana (foi difícil) é:


"When I was 14 my friends and I made a rap album in our basement using a casio keyboard and a $10 mic. We made up the lyrics as we went along. It was better than this."